Randomness: When Marketing Goes Wrong – “Right Guard” Stunner

 

“Now you might feel a little embarrassed, don’t take it too hard
And don’t make it worse by covering it up with some Right Guard” ~ De La Soul [“A Little Bit of Soap (skit),” 3 Feet High and Rising]

So I’m on my way home from a long day of studying, programming, blog writing, and procrastinating.  I decide to stop by the grocery store to grab some juice, avocados, and deodorant.  In the health/beauty aisle, I ‘m ecstatic to discover Right Guard has re-released its 96 hour antiperspirant variant. (Ya boy appreciates that extra layer of  protection, y’all.)

Though instead of the package I’m used to:

I got this chicanery:

Let’s break down why this is all types of wrong:

1. The name “Stunner” is pretty outdated.  When is the last time someone called someone else a “stunner?”  I’m pretty sure it was around 2002 when all of the original Hot Boys were still signed to Cash Money Records.
2. The name “Stunner” applies to one person in particular: Bryan Williams aka Baby aka Birdman.  And while, Birdman and his brother Ronald “Slim” Williams should be applauded for founding one of the more successful rap labels of the late 90s and early 2000s…there are many reasons to not name your company after this fellow.
3. The choice of color is….interesting.  How coincidental is it that the packaging is red.? Red like Birdman’s Blood gang affiliation.  I mean…somebody working for Right Guard had to notice that.  Hey…wait a minute…
4. IS THE DESIGN ACTUALLY A RED BANDANNA????   WHO APPROVED THIS???????

I’m done y’all. I’m done, later.

~W. Mack